Confessions on Life, Death and God
by DephsXylex
Summary: A writing challenge taking all of postcards from the new PostSecret book and making them into writing prompts using various digimon characters.
1. Is It Ok To Be A Scientist

Devon Howe

Is It Ok to be a Scientist and Still Have Faith?

I was about to enter my first class in college, a religion course that has a scientific twist to it. I was nervous and intrigued by this class. Religion and science weren't two subjects one would normally put together. They were generally perceived to be opposing view points, but the description of this class said that it would make us explore deeper than the usual debate and possibly even make a few of us question our own beliefs. I wanted to know what it was that this professor could possibly tell me that could make me believe in a god, even if I didn't think he'd be able to get through to me. It would be a good thing to try and, if nothing else, it fulfilled my religion credit.

As I walked into what I thought would be a lecture hall I was surprised. The room was about the same size as a room in my high school. I didn't think a whole lot of people would take this class, but I expected it to still be large enough to fill a lecture hall. With how small the class was bound to be I was surprised that it was still offered.

I found an empty seat and set up my computer, then took a look around the room. There were seven other kids sitting around looking much like I did. A couple were a few years older than me, but no one was above twenty-five in the class. The professor wasn't in the room. I glanced at the clock and sighed. It was only a minute until class was supposed to start. My professor was going to be late for the first class.

As the clock ticked down its final seconds the lights dimmed and a projector turned on to show us a blank screen. The professor was still no where to be seen, but class had most definitely started.

_Some people believe in god, _the speaker said as the movie started, _While others believe in science, but how many believe in both?_

With this the screen began to swirl, appearing to suck us into vortex of color and light. When it stopped we were looking at a peaceful scene of deer grazing in a field of grass and wildflowers. _When you look at these deer what do you think created them? Was it just a mishap? Or did some mysterious being make them this way? Or was it maybe even a combination of both? _The screen warped again and we were traveling through the universe, looking at different planets, stars, nebulas and other such objects. _Are we the only life forms out there, as many religions suggest, or are we one planet of many that has life, as science suggests? For the next nine weeks we will be exploring the phenomena of science, religion and their interconnectedness. _

The video turned off and I blinked a few times as the light came on. Where the movie had been there was now a single question on the board followed by some instructions.

_Is it ok to be a scientist and still have faith?_

_Introduce yourself and discuss._

This was definitely not what I had expected from my first college course. A boring lecture, lots of note taking, a professor that was actually present…

One of my classmates, a man that appear to be another incoming freshman, stood up, "Well, I'm not exactly sure what the professor wants us to do, but I'll take a stab at it. I'm Josh and I don't think its possible to be a scientist and still have faith. I think its one or the other. They just don't seem to go together. Either God created everything in one day or there's evolution. There's not much of a grey area."

Josh sat down and I thought about what he said. It was a pretty standard answer and didn't really give us many places to go with the conversation.

Another man, a few years older than me, stood up, "I'm Frederick . I agree. It's either you are correct and you believe in the science, or your wrong and you believe in the religion."

He sat down and a girl stood up, "Hi, I'm Lily. I just want to say that I agree and I'm not really sure where this conversation is going if no one else thinks anything else."

Another guy stood up, "I'm Jamie and I think that religion and science can be brought together as one. Who's to say that God didn't create the rules of science? Who's to say that that he hasn't decided that we need these rules to give us peace?"

As Jamie sat down the room just stared at him, struck silent. None of us had ever thought about it that way.

Eventually the silence was broken by a sputtering figure across the room. "That's.. that's just absurd," the guy said, "I mean, would God make rules for humans? Why bother with them. If he makes rules for us, then he has to follow them."

"Who says that he has to follow them?" the girl next to me asked, "Haven't you ever heard of a miracle? These rules aren't just for humans either, they're for everything."

"I think you two are forgetting something," the girl sitting next to Jamie told them as she stood up, "I'm Mila and I'm not sure what to think. All sides have a good argument and I want to hear all of it out and make a decision."

The man stood up again, "Since I forgot, I'm Hideki and in response to this lovely lady, I don't believe in miracles, although I would like to hear more about your beliefs."

The other girl got up again, "I'm Sakura and I believe in these miracles because I've seen them. I also believe in the power of science."

Jamie spoke again, "Does anyone here believe in religion instead of science?"

Josh stood. "I do. Why would so many different religions believe it if it wasn't true?"

"What about you?" he asked, looking at me, the only person who had yet to speak.

I stood up and began speaking with a lopsided grin, ready to reveal my hand, "Well, Professor J. Blackburn, I'm Koushiro and I believe in science and science only at this point, but I wanted to take this course so that I could find out more about this idea and see how this changes me."

My professor looked at me, his eyes bright and praised me, "Very good, Koushiro. How did you figure it out?"

"You were directing the conversation, no matter how subtlety," I replied with a shrug.

"I am indeed Professor James Blackburn, but call me Jamie. I'm glad to hear all your views on the subject of science and religion and I would like to continue on with this discussion, but we need to get started on changing them right away."

I sat back down with the warm feeling of victory in my chest and began typing. I had a feeling that if anyone could change my mind, it would be Jamie.


	2. It's Your Moment!

This Is Your Moment. The Right Time Is Now!

_Flight 15 to California, now boarding at Terminal C. _I grabbed my bag and stood up. I was excited to get home and see my girlfriend, Hikari. It had been two weeks since I had been forced to go on a business trip to Hawaii and it had been torture for the both of us.

The attendant took my ticket then let me onto the flight. It was going to be a long flight and I was hoping that whoever was sitting next to me would be quiet so I could catch up on some of the sleep I had lost meeting with our new client, who made everything more difficult than it really had to be.

I was relieved when I saw that the person sitting next to me was already trying to sleep himself. I took my seat, reclined and attempted to sleep.

---

_Thunk, thunk, thunk._ I was getting incredibly tired of the little boy sitting behind me. About an hour into the flight he had started kicking my seat and so far he hadn't stopped. I would have turned around to yell at him, but when I had tried his mother had given me such a deadly look that I didn't dare try.

I moved the seat up some in hopes that the kicks would be lessened in strength, and the boy started to wail. I groaned. At least now his mother had to deal with him and not just myself. Maybe someone else would have the guts to stand up to her, but it wasn't going to be me.

Seeing as I wasn't going to be sleeping anytime soon, I pulled one of the magazines out of the seat in front of them. It was one of the ones where they tried to sell you things you didn't need for three times as much money than it was actually worth. It was stupid, but it was something to do for a few minutes at least.

I flipped through the pages, laughing occasionally at the stupider things in the magazine before I saw a little piece of paper fall out. I was about to ignore it but I decided to pick it up instead. No use in adding litter to the airplane, there was enough of that as there was. I was about to throw it into the little cup that had previously had my soda in it, when I noticed that there was something written on it and read it:

_This is your moment. The right time is __now__!_

I stared at it. I wasn't sure what to make of this little scrap of paper that had been literally dropped into my life, but my hand subconsciously went to the small metal band in my pocket, the one I had been debating on whether or not to give Kari for two years. When I was ten my grandmother had handed it to me and told me that when the time was right I would give it to the girl I loved. At the time I had no idea who that would be, but respectfully took the ring and put it in a box. Four years ago I had started dating Yagami Hikari. Two years ago I had come across the ring and remembered the story and put it into my pocket. Ever since then I had been planning on giving it to her, but the time had never seemed right. Maybe this was the right time. Maybe God had sent this to let me know that she would say yes.

I pulled the ring out of my pocket and looked at it. It was a simple silver band and the inner ring was inscribed with Gra anois agus go deo, love, forever and always. My grandfather had come over from Ireland and met and married my grandmother, giving her the ring with words in his native language, which she loved to hear him speak.

I thought about what I was going to do for the rest of the plane ride. I wouldn't have even noticed we were landing if I hadn't felt us bounce roughly on the tarmac, jarring my thoughts and making me realize that if I was going to do this I had to make the decision now.

The plane came to a complete stop and I nervously stood up and grabbed my carry on bag. The line to get off of the plane seemed to take forever and spotting Hikari seemed to take just as long, but I managed to just before she jumped onto me, catching her in my arms and laying a passionate kiss on her lips. When we broke apart, I gently put her down and got on one knee.

"Hikari, you are the light of my life and you have been since I met you years ago. You have fueled my hope and made me complete. Will you marry me?" I asked, my stomach twisting in knots as she looked at me, tears filling her eyes.

"Takeru," she breathed, her voice catching, "Of course."

With that I pulled her close and spun her around, the people near us clapping. And to think, all of this started with a little piece of paper.

The secret for this chapter:

I found this inside a Magazine on an Airplane. As soon as I arrived home, I took the ring I've had in my pocket for two years out and proposed to my girlfriend in the middle of the airport. She said yes.


	3. Shaving

It Always Works

_Mimi, want to go to Tai's party tonight? Sora._ I read the text on my D-Terminal and sighed. Of course I wanted to go to the party, but could I? Seventeen-year-old Motomiya Daisuke was causing me some major problems. I had gotten so shit-faced a couple months ago that I slept with him. Ever since then he had been trying to get with me again. This wouldn't be such a huge problem, I had been known to break hearts, but he was good, and I mean really good. As in best I'd ever had good. His constant attempts to get with me were wearing me down and I had a feeling that I was going to break soon.

My D-terminal buzzed again. Sora was waiting for an answer. I didn't have anything else to do and all of my closest friends were going to be there. I had to go or spend this Saturday locked in my room doing nothing. I typed back an answer before I could change my mind. _I'll be there. What time does it start?_

I got my response almost immediately, _Nine. I'll be there to pick you up at eight-thirty._

I looked at the time in the corner of the screen. It was already seven.

"Shit," I swore under my breath and took off towards the shower, stripping as I went. That was the best thing about having my own apartment, it afforded me freedom to run around naked.

I turned the water on full blast and with one hand started scrubbing my hair, now a vibrant cerulean, as I began lathering my body up with body wash with the other. I had managed to do all that in record time and went to grab my razor and shaving cream, but hesitated. If I didn't shave then I couldn't sleep with Daisuke. I couldn't bear to have my reputation tarnished like that. The label of slut I could deal with, the label of hairy I could not.

Once I got out of the shower I did my hair and make-up as fast as I could. I managed to get it all done with just moments to spare. As soon as I made it back into the living room Sora walked in the front room. "Are you ready to go? I'm having a rough week and I could definitely use a few beers and a round or two with Taichi in the sack."

I laughed. Sora was always up for a few beers and a go with Tai. It was her specialty. I grabbed my purse. "Let's go. The night is a wasting!"

---

I had already had a few more beers than I should and it was only eleven-thirty. Luckily I had yet to see Daisuke and I was hoping to keep it that way. I was going to have a hard time resisting him, or anyone else for that matter, as drunk as I was.

No sooner than I thought that I felt two strong hands on my shoulders and a rough voice whisper in my ear, "Hey Mimi, I've been looking for you."

I felt myself getting hot and mentally groaned as the images of our last encounter flooded into my head. Him and I making out, caressing me and how he lasted for hours, hitting everything just right… He was definitely testing my will.

"Hey, Dai!" I greeted cheerily, trying to keep the desire out of my voice. I failed miserably as my it came out husky and filled with lust.

"So, we had so much fun last time," he said, then he just kissed me. God did it feel good. I melted into him and kissed him back, ferociously claiming his mouth with my own. He stood me up and took me towards Matt's room, nearly crashing both of us into the door frame. We hit the bed in a pile and he immediately went for my shirt and bra. I would have protested, but I realized I was too turned on to care. My bra was quickly ripped from my body and as he went on ravishing me he went for my pants. Something managed to break through my lust and alcohol driven daze as the button popped open. _Stop, you didn't shave. _I growled, trying to ignore the little voice, but it was very insistent.

"Daisuke, Daisuke!" I called, trying to get him to stop. Finally I just grabbed him by his mass of red hair and yanked him into view. "Stop. We can't do this tonight."

He looked at me, confusion in his eyes. "Why not? You seem to be in to it."

I blinked for a second, trying to come up with a good excuse. I hadn't expected him to question me. "I'm on my period."

"Seriously? But I'm so turned on right now. Can you at least give me head or something?"

I glared at him. "And not get anything in return? No. I'm not doing something unless I get something out of it." With that I stood up and left, quite proud of my new found drunk check.

This chapter's secret:

I purposefully don't shave when I know I might be tempted to have sex with someone I shouldn't. It always works.


	4. Suicide and School

Seeing as I keep forgetting this, I don't own digimon. I don't have money either. I also don't own PostSecret, but Frank Warren is a god amongst men.

I looked at the razor blade in my hands. It was time. I was sick of all of this. The pain, the drama, the stupidity of it all. I had no other option at this point. Seventeen years. Seventeen years and I had spent all of them miserable. There would be good periods of course, but they never lasted.

It started when I started dating my first boyfriend, Motomiya Daisuke. He was a good guy, very persistent. We dated from the time I was twelve until I was thirteen. I was happy with him, well, reasonably. I always felt as though something was missing though. He just wasn't the right guy. He was too much like my brother. I just couldn't take all the soccer talk and the immaturity. At first it was ok, but as time wore on it became more and more apparent that he just really wasn't the guy I wanted to spend my life with, so I broke it off with him. He flipped out on me. He begged me to come back to him. Pleaded and cried. He put me through hell and it wore me down. I began cutting myself to help relieve the stress. My best friend, Takaishi Takeru, was always there for me, through all of it. He even tried to help me with the cutting. It worked decently, but there was still times that I slipped and did it. After six months I realized I was in love with him, in a way I wasn't in love with Dai. We began dating and, after a few bad encounters, Daisuke gave up on me and got on with his life.

Again life was good. Takeru and I were in love and we enjoyed every second of it. We had our fights, but life was amazing. I felt better than I ever had in my life. We did everything together, even slept on the phone together. On my sixteenth birthday he proposed. He said that he knew we were young, but he wanted to be with me for the rest of our lives. He figured that after two and a half years he was ready to make that decision. He had even asked my father and my brother. They had both approved, so long as we didn't actually get married until we were twenty. My dad even said that he'd pay for the whole thing. I said yes. We were happy for the next year, then tragedy hit.

Takeru got hit by a car. He was killed instantly. That was two months ago and I can't really remember a minute of it. I could think, eat, sleep or feel. I had no recollection of anything from the time I was told to a week ago, when I picked up the blade and cut myself open for the first time in over a year. I could feel. I could remember. It was a great feeling, until the overwhelming pain from Takeru's death kicked in. I went numb again later that evening and I was left with a problem. Either I feel and remember nothing, or I feel everything, all the pain and despair. I thought about it for a full week. There was no good solution, except for one. The one that would put me with Takeru, and that was where I was now, in the school bathroom, razorblade in one hand, cell phone in the other. The text was written up and ready, all I had to do was send it.

_I love you all. I miss Takeru too much for this. Please don't cry for me- Hikari_

I hit the button and watched it until I was sure all the messages had sent. I dropped the phone to the floor next to me and focused on the little piece of metal in my hand. I watched the light glint off of it. It was beautiful. I raised it slowly and pressed it to my wrist. I drug it across barely feeling the pain, but happy to feel it at all. The thick red liquid that welled up from the cut and pooled. I licked it off, it was the most delicious thing I had ever tasted. I began to feel light headed so I stopped and just watched the blood flow freely from the wound and pool on the floor. I began to get sleepy and it was difficult to keep myself up. I slid off of the toilet and on to the floor, collapsing into a pool of my own blood. As I started to fade out of consciousness I faintly heard someone yell my name.

---

"Kari, Kari, please come back to us, please. We don't want to lose both our little siblings," I heard someone whisper to me in my haze. I could feel two hands clasped around one of my own. I didn't want to wake up. I hurt all over. My head, my arms, my back, every bit of me. It would be so much easier to just go back to sleep.

"Hikari, we can't lose you too. My family is in bad enough shape, losing their daughter too would rip us completely apart," I heard another voice say, squeezing hard and sending a searing pain us my arm. I groggily opened my eyes.

"'Top it," I moaned, "'Urts."

"Kari!" Tai practically yelled, making my head scream. He was basically on top of my bed, holding my face in his hands, forcing me to look at him. "Don't you ever do that to me again! You scared the crap out of me. Do you know how long it takes to get here from Tokyo U? I made it in half the time. I was so afraid I was going to lose you!"

I looked at him stupidly. "Wha happened?"

Tai opened his mouth and then shut it, unsure of what to say. Finally Matt shoved him out of the way. "You don't remember what happened?"

As soon as he spoke everything came flooding back, Takeru, the crash, trying to kill myself… I had failed. I had failed at failing.

"I remember now," I said quietly, "Where are Mom and Dad?"

Taichi looked at me, more of a glare than anything. "Talking to all of our friends in the waiting room. I think your principal may have stopped by too. Don't worry about that though. Why did you do this? Why did you hurt all of us like this, especially after we just lost Takeru? How could you do this to us?"

I turned my head away from him, trying not to cry as I did so. None of them could understand. It was too difficult to be alive at this point.

"Kari, look at me!" he said, wrenching my face back towards me.

"I… I" I tried to come up with something to tell him, but I couldn't. There was just nothing I could say. Luckily I was saved only moments later by my father bursting into the room yelling.

"They suspended her Taichi! Suspended her! Can you believe this?" he was angrier than I had ever seen him in my life. My father was generally I pretty levelheaded man, but not now. "How can you suspend her for this? 'She had a weapon at school.' For god's sake, she didn't go after anyone with it…" he stopped short when he saw that I was awake. "Kari, honey?"

I couldn't deal with any of this anymore. "Goin' back ta sleep." I closed my eyes and tried to block out the fact that I had failed and in doing so had gotten myself in so much trouble that I had gotten my spotless school record tarnished

This chapter's secret: I tried to commit suicide. They suspended me for it.


	5. Sleeptalk

**I own nothing.**

**"Baby, wake up," a voice cooed from next to my head. I blinked a few times, then opened my eyes to see my wife looking at me. "Hey love," I said groggily, smiling slightly, "What's wrong?" "You were just talking in your sleep again. You kept saying I love you and I want to be with you forever. You said you were sorry for ever doubting your feelings when you were told she felt the same and that you really did want to be with her. What were you dreaming about?" In the darkness of the room I blushed deeply. I wasn't dreaming of a she as Sora assumed. I was actually dreaming of a guy. A guy we both were close to and one I definitely knew shared my feelings of longing. "I can't remember what I was dreaming of Sor. It was probably of when we first met. I almost didn't go out with you when you told me how you felt. I was confused, but I'm happy I did." I kissed her on her temple and she snuggled closer to me. "I'm glad you did too. Otherwise I wouldn't be married to the love of my life right now." Satisfied with what I had said she closed her eyes and went back to sleep. I unfortunately couldn't do that. I had just lied to my wife about being in love, or at the very least lust, with my best friend. It had all started about a month ago.--- "Taichi, I have something I need to talk to you about something." Matt and I were walking through the park eating ice cream, something we did every Sunday. He always got mint chocolate chip and I always got rocky road. It was how we had managed to stay so close through out the years. All of the chosen had managed to stay close with our once a month get togethers, but Matt and I and Sora, Mimi and Hikari made it a point to spend time together on Saturdays afternoon. Sometimes Jyou or Takeru tagged along with Matt and I, but it was rare. "You know we can talk about anything Matt. Shoot." Matt was nervous. He was sucking on his ice cream cone, staring at the ground and doing more of a shuffle than a walk. It was making me nervous. "What do you think about gay people?" I let out the breath I hadn't realized I was holding. This was a conversation I had basically given up on having. We were twenty-four for god's sake! After him and Sora broke up he hadn't had a girlfriend and it had been eight years. We all already knew, but getting him out of the closet had been an issue. We just figured he's stay in it for the rest of his life at this point. "Gays? Well, I don't have a problem with it. If that's what you like, that's what you like and who am I to get in your way? Its everyone's right to be happy." Matt nodded and continued sucking on his ice cream cone. We walked in silence for a few minutes longer before he spoke again. "I think I might be gay." he blurted out, then blushed a deep shade of crimson. I kept on walking. "I know." He stopped and stared at me. "Wha-what?" he stammered. I grinned and stopped, looking at him. "I know. I've known for years. Come on, you haven't dated anyone since Sora and I've watched you check out guys on more than one occasion. I was just waiting for you to tell me. I didn't want to embarrass you or anything." "It would have been nice if you had given me a hint, Yagami! I've been afraid to tell you for the past three years! I thought you were going to hate me!" he yelled. I felt sort of bad for not laying hints, but not so guilty that I wasn't going to yell back. "Three years! I've known for twice that long. You'd have shot me if suggested it back then.**

**He glared at me, but dropped it and started walking again. He was still sucking on his ice cream cone though and that meant there was more.**

"**Are you worried about the other chosen? None of them will care. They're all comfortable with their sexuality and quite a few of them are even engaged! I mean, Takeru and Hikari, Miyako and Daisuke… Iori and Rin aren't because they're too young, but its only a matter of time. Mimi and Jyou are married already, and Ken and Koushiro, well, I hear Ken's with some girl and its pretty serious and Koushiro just won't care." Matt looked at me, confused. "You're still walking around nervous. Is that not what this was about?"**

"**No, I just have a lot on my mind. I thought this was going to be some big deal and now it turns out that it isn't… it's just weird."**

**I turned and cocked my eyebrow at him. "You're full of it, Ishida Yamato. I may not be the most perceptive person, but there are a few people I can always tell how are feeling, you, Hikari and Sora. Is there a guy or something?"**

**Yamato blushed, confirming my suspicion. "So who is he? Do I know him?"**

**He coughed. "You could say that."**

"**What does that mean? Do I just know them in passing or something?" This conversation was getting exhausting. It was like pulling teeth.**

"**No, not really."**

"**Well, why don't you just tell me who it is and then I'll know what it is you mean by all of that." Matt stopped and when I looked to see why he grabbed me and pulled me to him. When our lips met it was like a fire burst forth in my body. No kiss, even the most passionate one from Sora, had ever come close to what I was feeling with Matt and our kiss was fairly chaste.**

**When we finally broke it off I was out of breath. I took one look at the man in front of me and bolted.**

**---**

**Since then I hadn't seen or talked to Matt. He had tried calling and texting, but I had no idea what to tell him. The truth? A lie? Should I try and be with him in secret? What would that do to my family? My son, Jessie? Could I put a one year old through that? And now I was dreaming about him. With the way I talked in my sleep it's just a matter of time before she finds out. She could leave me for it. It could ruin our marriage, even if I have yet to do anything wrong. Then what? Where would I be? Would Matt and I even work out? There were so many questions and no answers. And all of this because I couldn't keep my damn mouth shut.**

**Today's secret: I worry that my candid sleeptalk will one day cost me my marriage.**


End file.
